Bump in the Road

Dear Joshua, December 29, 2015

In this chapter of my life, I’m in “pause mode”. Have I stopped looking for you? Maybe, well just for this period. Remember when I thought you were my best friend? Well, the friendship is so hard to continue, it’s so hard to pick up the pieces and accept that maybe, just maybe he is you. Life goes on Joshua.

In August I met a possible “place holder” of you. He is not even saved, not a lover of church but he had my attention. My wall was up, way up, I refused to let him in but what I found was that he was getting attached to me. He wanted to take your place so I ran, luckily he ran too.

He resurfaced for a while until his true colours began to show. Joshua, I had to close the chapter on him. As I sit typing this letter to you, I face the closing of an old year. This year was a harsh, difficult, and emotionally draining year. A year I had so many high hopes for, a year I believed so much for you and a year I was positive that you would appear. All this is enough to close the whole chapter on the quest for you.

I look upon a new year ahead of me, no doubt, my natural eyes see uncertainty, maybe and maybe not, a lot of “I don’t knows”, but my faith in God still gives me a bit of hope. It’s with great faith that I write this letter to you, great faith, and hope knowing that one day soon you will read these words.

So what will I do for 2016? I will definitely fast more for your grand or even subtle entrance, I’ll enjoy my single life and not limit myself to these four walls, I will meet new people and begin to explore the beauty of life in this dark and unsure world. I’ll keep waiting on you because Joshua I want to love again, I want the fear of loving another to be broken and I want to close the SINGLE CHAPTER of my life. I hope you are well and I hope you are at least in great anticipation of the blessings of the New Year.

It’s a new chapter that will unfold for me and I will use the New Year as a definite beginning to the rest of my life. I am grateful to God for His mercies towards me, for speaking to me in times I needed a word and to be the one set of footprints in the sand that’s always carrying me.

I wait in anticipation.

Signed: Miss a new chapter