Emotional Roller Coaster

Entry 3

October 19, 2015

Dear Joshua,

I have been off the radar for a while, so let me brief you on what has been happening in my life. I have not done any fasting for you since I last wrote to you, I was just a bit weary and confused. So with my state of confusion, I dived into finishing school and working for God. The desire for you never left not one bit, but I looked on with high hopes of your grand entrance in my life. As the year started I was feeling good that you might have already been in my life and was just merely waiting on the perfect chance for you to announce your arrival. Dang, was I wrong!.

Friends for many years, close friendship, laughter, and memories shared, I felt good. Then came along your girlfriend. I despised you for starting a relationship and here I am stuck in the friend zone. I expressed my joy for you on your quest of love, marriage, and perfect life, but was weeping on the inside. But then we began getting closer as friends, till we are now best friends, sharing our experiences that we have not shared with others, going out on movie dates, picking up each other when we are down, and loving our friendship through its many stages. What the heck happened????

Well, here I am in this boat again, feeling lonely, fighting back the voices of people saying “Oh you and he would make such a cute couple, oh it just looks so right; a powerful ministry is in this, you two just compliment each other”. Oh Lord, Joshua, Joshua, Joshua!! Do you see what I have been enduring?

By now you must realize that my emotions can get the best of me and my imaginative mind can paint one convincing picture. I started believing the opinions of others and in the midst of summer camp, I was confident I would meet you. Still, my heart felt connected to you, yes Joshua. My best friend who clearly had me way in the corner of friend zone had my heart, mind, and emotions.

Signed: Your Miss “green” in the eyes