"I'm at the Breaking Point"

Months went by, I was broken, confused, shattered but I was still hopeful that he would return my calls or to even send a text message.

Guess it was a sign from God for me to get it together, after all, I kept on praying to get closer to God and to take my Christianity seriously. Maybe that's what I need to do. Ok God amma try.

My hurt and confusion quickly escalated into rage! Why am I experiencing this? I'm faithful in relationships, I committed myself to him, yet he disappeared without giving me a thought.

I remembered praying in anger "Lord let him drive to my house and beg for my forgiveness". A few nights later... Honk honk, it was him!!! Leaning on his car like we are in some RnB video.

"Kaydian I'm so sorry for hurting you. I know I disappeared without even texting or calling you. I know you probably have moved on but I'm hoping that you can forgive me and we can still be friends"

Wait, what just happened??? Sigh, I really wanted to cry out "no I haven't moved on", but something held my tongue and I walked away. No, I didn't feel any better, the wound felt fresh all over again.

23 years old and I felt like I was stuck. All my fairy tale fantasies headed to the grave, I felt broken, foolish, and of no valid worth.

My pillow was my chamber of therapy, tears flowed way more than I wanted, my past was burying me, my choices, my weakness, and my stubbornness incubated a bleaky future.