The reality I had to accept, you love her and not me

Dear Joshua, November 19, 2015

Today is November 19, things are not the way I would want it, you’re in love with her and I’m left hugging the thoughts that others and I have planted and grown in my own mind.

It’s not an easy feeling to accept and cope with, but hey what am I going to do? I just have to accept the harsh reality and suppress the feelings of low self-esteem, loneliness, why no one truly likes me, am I a bad person, does my personality scare people, I’m too fat, I’m not pretty and skinny enough.

At this very moment, the song “there’s a peace in my soul when I’m with you” by Jermaine Edwards rings constantly in my mind as it ministers to me. Right now I’m thinking, where are you and what on earth could you be doing?

Life must go on, we oftentimes jump ahead of God and try to determine what His will for us should be and in doing so, we end up hurting ourselves and others. God’s will is perfect and he doesn’t measure time, so what we try to often run from or defeat must be done according to God’s will. As I sit, I do realize it’s a constant issue I have, running ahead of God and trying to shape my own destiny., look at where I am now. Lord, I said your will be done so now I give you back the wheel.

He is not finished with me yet!

Signed: Miss Determined to go on